Too many questions...

What should I do?
My emotions range from sadness, frustration, guilt, disappointment and worry.
I have never been very good at making the big decisions.
Maybe not as good as I thought about a lot of things.
How did I get here?
How can I possibly squeeze more into my schedule?
What kind of toll will it take on my family?
Has it already cost me? Has my past come back to roost?
Life is so short, is it fair to make my family suffer?
Isn't there anybody else?
Maybe it sounds like a whine, but it isn't. I feel like Bilbo sometimes, butter spread over to much bread, thin.
A part of me wants so badly to withdraw from everything, just be me. Tom, the guy who comes to church and then goes home.
No worries, no problems. Let someone else fight the battles, do the meetings, struggle.
Other people do it.
Why can't I?
I'm nothing without Christ, His grace is the only thing that keeps me going.
But it seems the weight is getting heavier.
Maybe I'm carrying to much, maybe I need to learn to lean more on Him.
Maybe that's what He is trying to teach me.